Does your doctor sometimes mess with your head ??

What does any normal person do when he has a skin irritation on his face that just won’t go? He goes to his doctor… right? Well that’s exactly what I did, and the guy I went to is renowned for being the hot shot of skin problems around these parts.

So anyway, he takes out his super whammy magnifying glass and proceeds to inspect my face. Thank god I brushed my teeth recently, because he really gets in there. He spends about three minutes checking it out, before moving around to more areas on my face. I’m okay with that, because I know this consultation’s gonna cost me eighty-bucks either way, so he may as well be thorough.

He eventually sits up straight, holding his chin the way you do when you’re thinking deeply about something, and says “yes it’s skin cancer”. Now I’m thinking, what the f#@*!!!, so does my entire face have skin cancer, or just the spot I came in about? And I’ve been hearing that “C” word being thrown around a lot lately – so am I going to die in six weeks, or can we remove my face in time?

Then I see this weird smile on his face (He really does have a weird smile – I’m not making this shit up). Eventually, after writing an entire thesis about what he just saw on my face, and smiling that weird smile the entire time – he looks up at me and says “It’s only a bla bla bla superficial cancer, that I could’ve cut out right here in my consulting room if it wasn’t so close to your tear duct. However, you’ll have to go see my friend who’s a specialist, so he can take this further.

By now I’m sweating bullets, so hearing the good news that I’m going to live, brings my heartrate back down to a thousand beats per minute. But that’s when he says something that just pisses me off completely. “Oh, and by the way – once you’ve had one of these skin cancers, you’ll definitely get more of them”.

He just went from the soft spoken, nice guy with the weird smile, to a monkey in a lab coat. How in the name of Doctor Phil can you sit there and tell me what my body is definitely going to do? This is a guy with about twenty-five years of experience, and the prestigious title of Doctor in his name, yet it seems he knows as much about the brain and human mind as I do about performing heart surgery.

I’ve been in sales for almost thirty years, and one of the first things I was taught, was when to shut up, because just an extra few words could turn a win into a loss very quickly. The guy had already impressed me by diagnosing the problem within a few minutes, and then remembering how to pronounce the name of that particular form of cancer was pretty awesome. All he had to do was shut up after that, but NO… he just had to say just one more thing, so he could plant the seed of doubt into my mind. “I will definitely get more cancer!!”.

Someone needs to think about including an additional module into the medical school for doctors to complete. They really should get a better understanding of how our brains and minds function, because they’re screwing up in a big way. Fortunately, during the consultation, he mentioned I’d have to wait about three months to see his specialist buddy, because that’s how busy he is. “Holy crap, how many people are getting skin cancer?” I thought to myself.

Now I say fortunately, because he’d also mentioned a cream I could try in the interim – just to keep it in check. I decided to go for the cream, and cut the specialist out of the equation completely. The cream worked perfectly, but unfortunately I got two more bloody cancer spots over the following year, and had to use the cream again. I just want to find a general practitioner who has enough savvy about the mind, so he knows when to shut up, because the mind is an easy thing to mess with, and we’d all do well to remember that.